Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Postpartum Depression

I've been thinking about Postpartum Depression alot lately... well, for awhile now.
I'm a thinker, a big one, endlessly... still.
See when I moved here to sunny Moses Lake, Washington, I didn't really know anyone. Well, my husband and a couple that are really more his friends (into his interests more), and then I found that we were going to have a baby.
I searched around for mom's groups to join - not really friendly here, the only mom's groups were 'closed'. There was one that was open and excited for new members; it was the Mommy's Group: Postpartum Support Group. I went eager to talk babies and birth, not sure what would happen... and that's not exactly what happened.
Now Christy, who organizes the group couldn't be greater, a word, really, okay, not really... and it was great to know a mom, meet other moms and Christy encouraged me that I would be learning important information that could really help, if, after I had the baby, I did have PPD. So I went. I did learn very interesting, important, lifesaving info. Did I get PPD? Unclear really.
My husband doesn't know anything about babies, works outside the home and I was breastfeeding, so I was virtually by myself muddling through some really hard shit.
Was I sad, frustrated, regretful? You bet!
Did I get out bed? Shower? Eat? Feed the baby? Play with the baby?
ALWAYS! And I was so happy that I would cry when I'd look at him... still do.
He's awesome.
But did I have postpartum depression? I don't know. I know that I feel better.
Let me clarify: I never regretted HIM, I regretted what I hadn't done BEFORE him. Those are some steep regrets when it's 4 in the morning and all you can see is 3-4 more years that will be this intense before you can arrange something else for yourself.
That can make you depressed.
I don't want to belittle anyone's experience who has or has had Postpartum Depression. I don't even want to belittle my own experience. I am just thinking, wondering... are we concocting something to prescribe pills for instead of providing networks for people who are struggling with their new position as Holder of Toughest Job in the World?
by 'providing networks' I mean 'talking to your neighbours', 'lending a hand', 'creating community'
something we HAD, but has been, somehow lost...
Let's stop looking for the somehow for how it was lost, and start fixing it.
The somehow is letting fear win; listening to that voice that says 'We don't know who are neighbors are.'
Instead of going out to meet them.
Go Out and Meet Them.
You might find that they're very like YOU!

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